I Can Do Hard Things

"If we have faith in Jesus Christ, the hardest as well as the easiest times in life can be a blessing."

***

Today was Fast Sunday, and it was great. I woke up with one of those "Today is going to be a great day" attitudes. I was so optimistic!

I got out of bed, prayed, and happily went about getting my three children ready for church while Dan was at Ward Council.

Sacrament meeting was a little crazy, Logan was a little more restless than usual, but we had missed two doses of his medication the past few days with him being sick with the stomach flu.

I was still able to listen to so many great testimonies, and they touched my heart.

Then Daniel and I volunteered to substitute in the 13 year old Sunday School class.

The lesson we chose was on "Bearing Your Testimony."

Ha! Nothing bugs us more on Fast Sundays than to hear a bunch of people ramble about their personal lives and call it a testimony. 

Emmy was fussy the rest of the hour and as I took her to change her diaper, a mom holding her little girl came into the bathroom and the poor girl threw-up all over the floor. 

So, holding Emery, I ran straight for the janitor closet and grabbed the bucket and mop, and headed back.

Little did I know that this was only the first of many messes I was going to clean today....

A few hours after church, Daniel and Aiden left for Ward Choir practice- for the Mothers Day program next Sunday!

I took Emery upstairs for a nap and when I started downstairs the aroma of poop became stronger and stronger...

Logan had smeared poop all over the kitchen floor.

All. Over. The. Floor. 

He was literally standing in a 3 foot radius of caked-on poop.

So I took a deep breath, very carefully lifted him off the ground, and carried that poop-covered, 55 pound six year old upstairs to scrub him down. I scrubbed, and rinsed, and scrubbed, and rinsed, over and over until he was FINALLY clean. Then I filled the tub with clear, soapy water and left him there to soak.

I took another deep breath, and proceeded downstairs to tackle the poop-caked floor. 

As I stood there staring at it I thought, "How? How? Where do I even start?"

I decided to "soak" the floor and dumped a few gallons of hot, soapy, bleach water on the now very-caked-on mess.

I grabbed somewhere around 100-150 paper towels and "mopped" up the mess. Once every trace of poop was gone, I grabbed the mop and began to fill my bucket with Clorox water to mop the entire kitchen. For safe measure.

Little did I know, or even consider,  that sweet little six year had climbed out of his bath... because he wasn't quite finished.

He pooped on the last five stairs, and the landing at the bottom.

I finished mopping and thought, "Heavenly Father, I did it! I totally handled that! You threw quite a curve ball {or wrench} in my way, but I took it and handled it. Please be proud of me, I know I am!"

As I put the mop away I thought, "Man! It still smells AWFUL...."

I slowly followed my nose to the new source, the new horror, the next "wrench."

 My first thought was to duck tape a diaper to that kids butt, and my second thought was "Carpet is so much harder to clean!"

I grabbed a diaper and did just that. And then I grabbed the soaps, the rags, and the bucket and began.

Only when the carpet was clean enough to use the shampooer, did Aiden and Daniel come walking through the door.

I grabbed the Nutella, a spoon and my phone and headed upstairs.

My loving husband followed me, apologized for the messes I had to clean, told me he loved me, and locked the bedroom door from the inside behind him so I could have uninterrupted quiet time. And here I am blogging about it!

***

President Spencer W. Kimball had asked that God give him mountains to climb. He said: “There are great challenges ahead of us, giant opportunities to be met. I welcome that exciting prospect and feel to say to The Lord humbly, ‘Give me this mountain,’ give me these challenges.”

As messy- and frankly disgusting- as this "trial" was today, I am much better for it. And I'm grateful to know (thanks to my mothering years of experience) that Heavenly Father is molding me. Refining me. Perfecting me. He is testing my faith with these challenges because He knows I will thank Him for it later. I will grow from it and become closer to reaching my potential.

So thank you, Heavenly Father. I know that as a tender parent, you were with me today.... as I served my family.

"...All these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good." D&C 122: 7

Knowing when your family is complete

#Throwback to May 2014

A few nights ago I was at the store with my three children. We were in a check out line and between Aiden not-so-kindly reminding me that he had earned a treat and wanted it now, Logan taking one of every kind of candy bar and lining them up on the floor, and Emery wanting to be held, I could tell we were holding up the line. So I glanced back and said, "oh I'm sorry-you can go ahead!" as I moved us over to the side.

The sweet lady with her teen son replied, "Oh, no. I'm actually enjoying this. I miss these days sooo much."

Taken by surprise, I said "Really?

 I'm told I will one day, too, but I'm not sure I believe it!"

"Oh, trust me. Mine are 25, 21, and 17. I miss these days more than you know."

***

Before you got married, did you dream about how many children you'd have? Did you devise a cute little "plan" of the approximate number of little bodies that will rule your household? Did you go as far as picking the names of your precious little babies, too?

If you're wondering....my number was 4. That's what I said back then, and no, we didn't use any of my baby names!

***

I'm a realist. My husband might call it something different, ahem, but let's just say if I feel overwhelmed now with three kids, which to be honest, I do most days, then why on earth would I have more?

Back then, when I my number was 4, I had no clue. No idea! I just thought that I was kid 3 of 5 and so yeah, 4 sounded good. 

I like where I'm at now. Three children is hard. Really hard. But it's working!

 Haha! I remember saying that with just ONE! I had said that same thing after Aiden...

"Having a baby is hard. Really hard. But it's working!"

BAM! I'm Pregnant, again!

"Having two babies is hard. Really hard. But it's working!"

BAM! Our son is autistic.

"Having a child with special needs is really, really, really, really hard. But it's working. We're taking it one step at a time.

But something was missing. There was a child calling to us. I could usually ignore it, and put it at the back of my mind.... But then I thought, is that why I'm here?

I pray so much- sometimes hourly- for Heavenly Father to help me to know how to mother my children. Help me know their needs, and to be able to meet them. Help me to learn and to grow from my trials. Help me to gain experience from the challenges placed before me. And Heavenly Father hears my prayers, and He answers them.

I was not placed on this earth by accident. Neither were my children given to me by coincidence. They were lovingly placed on earth to be raised in a family, with me as their mother.

So if another calls me from Heaven. Who am I to ignore?

So we took a leap of faith, began to "start trying" and became pregnant two months later with our amazingly bright, beautiful, wonderful daughter, Emery.

What A Joy She Is In My Life!!

I cannot believe I was going to live my life never experiencing the joys of raising my daughter here on earth!

****

I was thinking how wonderful having my three kids is (and also how hard some days are), and that maybe, just maybe, this could be our life as a family of five and I think I'd be very happy with that.

But there's this part of me that isn't sure. There's a part of me that just cannot fathom the idea of not going through another beautiful birth and seeing my husband hold a tiny, sweet newborn that we made together again. 

The not-so-funny thing is, we thought we'd try taking our future and our destiny into our own hands and had a surgery performed...

I cannot tell you how shocked I was when feelings of regret and grief began to come over me. And that over time these feelings intensified.

So after prayer and council and Temple trips, my husband and I decided to have the surgery reversed.

I hate that it took us turning to a permanent form of birth control to realize we were wrong.

 

I know what you're thinking...

"Wait, what? Are you pregnant? Is there an announcement at the end of this?"

(And I'm sure there are some saying, "seriously? You're gonna have MORE?")

The answer is, we are praying about it.

And I'm really ok not knowing right now. I mean, what do we actually know anyway?

That lady at the store reminded me of one thing, I will enjoy this time of life. Because I know that no matter what our future holds for us and for our family, there will come a time when I will miss it. 

...at least that's what I'm told. ;)