Honesty

A friend of mine has a blog that I follow. I say friend, and yet I've only met her a few times! But I love her posts- her thoughts, experiences, and most importantly... her honesty!

It is so refreshing to have someone share in complete honesty. And its so so important in this day, to share with complete honesty- you never know whose heart you might touch!

I found myself relating to a lot to the way she thinks. 

In a recent post, she shared about her personal experience with hypocrisy within the church. 

She discovered that some people close and/or around her were hypocritical. She found that the reasons (she and I) had been taught about Temple attending, Prayer, church attendance, service, callings.... were taught to us by those were doing them for the wrong reasons.

Their actions were righteous, but the reason and drive and purpose in doing them were all wrong. 

Which sounds like a small detail.... Until you become an adult, and find that your whole way of thinking- your whole understanding is twisted.

To hear that some are taught that we should attend church, serve our callings, even pay tithing in fear of appearance or what "others might think" is awful. Yet, that was my understanding for a very long time, too.

As I got older, I discovered that there were those within the church who were "keeping face." That people were attending church only in fear of what others might think!

That people believed and would pay tithing only because "they were supposed to." And even some who considered serving a calling as a "glorified and prestigious position." 

It is only in these past few years of "adulthood" that I have learned the true meaning of obedience, and have re-learn why.

It kind of goes along with "riding the coat-tails" of someone else's testimony.

It will only take you so far, and in the long run, you'll find that you are hurting yourself.

I admit that in the past I rode on the "coat- tails" of other people's testimonies. I thought that being a "chameleon" and mirroring righteous acts was the same thing as being righteous.

It is not.

And I admit that my faith was tested when I saw people living hypocritically. People close to me, people I looked up to, people who were supposed to be an example to me...

And I admit that I was in a similar position: I made mistakes that negatively affected those around me.

Through repentance and personal prayer, I developed a relationship with Heavenly Father, and that has made all the difference.

I also came to understand a basic principle: We are here to be tested, and there are powers around us trying with a great force to lead us astray.

I am forever grateful to the people in my life who have helped me, shown me, taught me truth. That although we are not perfect, we need to have a clear understanding about honesty.

We are not commanded to be perfect, but we are commanded to be honest in our dealings with our fellow men.

That includes our appearance. To appear to be "righteous" and yet be hypocritical is to live a lie.

I think the phrase "It's never too late to....." is especially important to remember here. Though we may have given a false image, lied, whatever the case may be, it is never too late to turn around and try again.

Rosemary Wixom shared a quote recently that I 100% relate to!! 

"If I could rewrite my life story, there are a few chapters that I wouldn't include that were written, but I must live on..."

s Yes! There are A LOT of chapters that I would love to "rewrite" but then again, that would be a lie! They happened, but I have learned from them, trend to Heavenly Father for help, forgiveness, council, love, guidance and direction, advice, etc. And I am all the better for it. We are here to receive a body, be tried and tested, and turn to our Heavenly Father for help through it all, so that we may live with Him again.

The same light, continued...

I mentioned in the previous post that if you look in a spectrum, you can see all the colors of the rainbow.

I thought about the word Spectrum. The word "Spectrum" was first used to describe the rainbow of colors in visible light when separated using a prism. 

But looking at the origin of the word, it means "image, apparition."

From "specere:" to look.

What does it mean to look? 

To see or understand? 

We know that to "look" is to employ our sight. To search, to turn our glance, gaze, or attention. 

But to "look" can be described in so many other ways. Such a simple, single syllable word has countless meanings!

To look after, To take care of, to look for, To search for, To expect, To

look into, To inquire into, To investigate, To look on or upon, To regard in a certain way, To look out, To be watchful or careful, To look over, To examine or inspect, To expect or hope to, To seem about to, To promise to, To search for and find, To become better, To improve.

A more modern use of the word "Spectrum" is used to describe a group or classification. For example, the autism spectrum.

I get so upset at the mention of the words Autism or Spectrum.

And call it what you will: denial, animosity,  bitterness, resentment... 

Autism and I have a complicated relationship.

Anyway, looking deeper into the word "Spectrum," I have seen that it also has a deeper and actually beautiful meaning...

For a reason only He knows for now, Heavenly Father has given Logan to us to care for, nurture, provide for, rear, love and raise in our family. And Logan has already endowed our lives with more blessings and understanding than We could have ever imagined. 

Before coming to earth, Logan was given the choice to accept his body and his life knowing difficulties of Autism.

What a brave and courageous example!

Before coming to earth, I too, was given the choice and the opportunity to look after my son. And I accepted!

To take care of Logan.

To search for him.

To look on.

To be watchful and careful.

To expect and hope for. 

To promise to.

To search for and find.

To make better.

To improve.

What a divine role motherhood is. I am so grateful for the ability and opportunity I have been given- the spectrum of experiences I can gain- by being a mother.

"Jesus loves the little children,

All the children of the world.

Red and Yellow, Black and White,

They are precious in His sight.

Jesus loves the little children of the world."

The same light.

Primary songs are so profound. They teach us basic truths about such profound principles of doctrine. 

Sometimes these songs can be difficult to sing when dark or sad memories flow to our mind.

I know I have had a variety of experiences and emotions when singing "Families are Forever."

And I have always had a very tender memory tied to the song "Jesus Loves The Little Children."

My grandpa used to sing it to my older sister and I when we were younger.

"Jesus loves the little children,

All the children of the world.

Red and Yellow, black and white,

They are precious in His sight.

Jesus loves the little children of the world." 

I have a confession to make:

I've been watching "Cosmos," although I haven't decided whether I'm a fan of it or not. And for some reason -curiosity obviously, along with the fact I haven't gone in to stop the DVR from recording each episode- I kept last nights episode and decided to watch it while folding laundry.

I really liked when he talked about sound. If we could see sound, we could see sound waves, and see the distances between wave lengths.

And just as the wave length of sound determines the pitch that we hear, the wave length of light determines the color we see.

Light and all of the colors of light travel at the sand speed. But when it hits glass, light slows down and changes direction.

And while traveling through the glass, each color moves at a different speed. 

"For example, violet light which is carried by the shortest waves slows down more than red light, which has the longest waves."

The changes in speed send the color waves off in slightly different directions. 

This got me thinking. *Warning, apparently folding laundry gets me thinking on a much deeper scale. ;)

We are children of God, our Heavenly Father. And He is light, even The Light Of The World. 

So, we are all light.

 We are all Equal (this has and will always be debated between man, but it an undeniable truth.) 

We're equal, and yet we all look different, and come from all different directions on this earth.

Just as light when it hits glass. It slows down and changes direction.

We all travel to the same place, to earth to receive a body. It is only when traveling through that we appear separate. Different. 

Some are faster, some are brighter, some are slower, some are darker...

But we are all from the same light.

Logan

Logan. What a roller coaster ride! Just when I feel like I've figured him out, when I feel like I'm getting the groove of things, he throws me for another loop-de-loop. 

Thanks.

Logan. He is a miracle and a mystery.

And Autism. Ugh! It's a love/hate relationship...

For the record, I hate. Hate. Autism. I hate that it's everywhere I look. I hate that everyone has an opinion when really no one knows anything about it. Not really. Unless of course you have an autistic child yourself, and really even then, you only know what YOU'VE experienced.

My only knowledge has come from what I have witness or read about... I don't have all the answers. but that's ok. I don't need to know everything right now. And even if I wanted to, Heavenly Father is not going to reveal everything to me right now. 

He loves me too much.

I would never build my faith.

How glorious it will be when handicaps and disabilities will be removed. When Logan will see clearly, hear clearly, speak clearly. 

I look forward with everything that I have, everything that I am to that day.

I know Heavenly Father is too.

Until then, I am going to love this child with all my heart. I am going to welcome the dark clouds, not just wait for the rainbows.

I am going to not just endure the storms, but I am going to throw my arms around my son and dance with him in the rain. Every time it rains.

And then, I am going to kneel down and thank Heavenly Father for the dance, hand in hand with my Logan.

Thank you Heavenly Father, for giving me the chance to grow.